Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
