I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
