You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
