you're like a bully in the Christmas story
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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