if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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