I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
