ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
