"it" just moved
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Found the puke drawer
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
