How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
