I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Randomize
