Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
