I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
