I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
