2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
