"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I CAN MOONWALK!
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
