God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
