They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
