i permit you to call me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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