he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
