i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
