He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
