After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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