i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
