well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
