i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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