Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
