Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
