I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
