I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
