chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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