well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
