I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
