if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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