Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
