I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
