one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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