Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
The uberlube is also flammable
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
