You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
