I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
