Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
