I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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