But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
