I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
