i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
