Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
