you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
