Well douche your snatch and let's go!
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
