You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
