I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
