Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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