she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
