I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
