i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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