Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
